Tag: wise_men

It’s too bad Mr. T wasn’t around when Jesus was born

We’ll have to examine the situation at the time of Jesus’ birth to explain why it’s too bad Mr. T wasn’t around then.

Right around Jesus’ due date, Mary and Joseph go to Bethlehem for the census so they can be numbered among the house of David, and they get there only to find out the inn lost their reservation, so now they’re forced to stay in a stable (or rather, a cave doubling as a stable). While they’re there, they give birth to the Messiah, and a new star appears in the sky. So we have this child, laid to rest in Mary’s lap, shepherds are watching him, angels are singing to him, people are hasting to bring him laud, etc., etc.

Meanwhile, these wise guys in the East see this new star in the sky and believe that it means a new powerful king has been born. So in a major feat of ass-kissing unparalleled to this day (well, at least until Harriet Myers came onto the scene), they decide they’re not going to wait around till he ascends the throne, they’re gonna pay him homage now, before the rush. So they get their slaves and harem packed up and on the road to Bethlehem to meet this new infant king. (Well, actually, first they stop in Jerusalem to visit Puppetking Herod: an event that would end up casting serious doubt onto the appropriateness of the label “wise men”, but never mind that for now.)

Now, when the wise men finally find the infant king, what do they see? Not some wealthy aristocratic family, but rather these destitute young parents who were sleeping with the animals (not that way, you sicko).

Here’s my question: these (dubious) wise men were obviously very wealthy. If you’re very wealthy, and really want to pay homage to a newborn king in such a deplorable situation, instead of giving gold, frankincense, and myrrh, how about putting them up in a nice place for the night?

I mean, we all know Bethlehem was inundated with people who wanted to flaunt their “Official Member of the House of David, as recognized by Caesar” certificates, so they could go around holding their head high while saying, “My kid could be the Messiah”. But, come on, I’m sure a couple rich wise guys could swing some accommodations in a nice upscale hotel even then.

Balthazar, Caspar, and Melchor need to take a lesson from Mr. T, a true wise man, speaking about Katrina victims: “They didn’t want diamond rings or new houses, they just wanted water, and they couldn’t get any.” I think Mr. T would pity these “wise” fools. Too bad he wasn’t around when Jesus was born.

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